She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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