u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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