Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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