Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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