I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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