no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize