Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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