I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
