last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
