I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I can't put those talents on a resume
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
