I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
