Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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