I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
