Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
