Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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