I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
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Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The uberlube is also flammable
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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