Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
