I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
