she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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