we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I have post one night stand depression
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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