You just made me feel so damn special
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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