that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
