Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
