My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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