I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
