nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
