There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
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