she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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