Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
