Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
