Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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