all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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