Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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