I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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