I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
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