Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
