What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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