Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
