I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
