on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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