Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
