hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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