i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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