My room smells like vodka and shame
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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