Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
