I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
