apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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