so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
