forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
