seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
