All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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