It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
