Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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