Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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