new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Ketchup is God's man juice
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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