you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
