these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
