Got a toothbrush?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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