i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
