everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
