My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
In America we eat man semen.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
