sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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