I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
