So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
