i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
