so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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