so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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