I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
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I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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