Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
