i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
