So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
