Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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