If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
