What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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