He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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