my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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