Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
