You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
