Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
