I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
