I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
