Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
